Back to Dota.

This post was written by me & slowhands .

The story went something like , i told him i was working on a post about DOTA , and he said he was doing the same thing . So , what the heck , let us just combo our post …

How good are you guys identifying writing styles ? try to spot the humor by slowhands , and the “trying to be smart ass concept” gapnap post . enjoy

Btw , do yourself a favor , go to the fridge and grab a beer because this post is going to be LONGGGGG…

I quit DoTA a long time ago ..

http://gapnap.com/2008/06/14/how-to-quit-dota/

http://gapnap.com/2008/06/09/7-reasons-why-i-stopped-dota/

But….because of some shit hole peer pressure influence from my work place. I am starting to play DoTA . AGAIN. I related this saddening incident to slowhands the other day and he randomly started screaming “SAM! IT MUST’VE BEEN SAM!” into MSN. Of course, no profanities was spared. What he said could’ve killed a tiger within a 100 metre radius if he was stuck in the National Zoo.

OMFG, ALL THE MONEY WASTED INTO DoTA, RM10 A NIGHT MEANS RM300 A MONTH. Not to mention unhealthy sleeping time and being late for work.

What a hypocrite huh?

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Anyway, there’s something quite interesting about DoTA.

I don’t know who said this (probably me) but there are always something to learn from whatever experiences you have be it wanking (trains your ears for footsteps of your parents closing in on your locked door), accidents (drive with seatbelt strapped/ be wary of stupid drivers) and also asking cheapskates like slowhands to go to music master (he will always ask sam to belanja, rumour has it that sam cries himself to sleep whenever slowhands came). And as you all know, there ARE things you can learn from DOTA too.

For those who don’t play … Let me introduce you to the world of friendship backstabbing, sleepless nights, intelligent kill stealing and moronic acts like screaming into your monitors.

Basically DoTA is some shit where 10 players get in a game. Split to 2 teams (5 vs 5) , Sentinel vs Scourge . Pick or random a hero (each heroes are unique and they have different set of skills), earn money and buy unique items. Both teams will Fight against each other, and the goal is to destroy each others “Throne” . But truthfully, people just wanna kill each other. Not some Goddamned throne or tree. If I really wanted to destroy a tree I would’ve gone to the office and waste some A4 papers. Usually when the game ends, most people were like, “WTF? Can’t we kill heroes even if the throne/tree is destroyed?”

It is like a quick character building game. Something like Diablo or Hellbreath just that a game ends ALOT faster ( 1 hour ). Playing Diablo will last you a few months, Hellbreath ? Maybe forever .

You have 3 different types of Heroes

1) Agility heroes. Fast and Quick, low health , low damage and low mana. They have skills to escape and save themselves. To outlast the others.

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2) Strength heroes. Slow but high damage, high health but low mana (less intelligent less agile). Defensive skills to boost tanking abilities and offensive skills that usually can’t net them kills, unless you KS.

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*KS stands for Kill Steal . Which means …stealing someones kill by hitting it at the last second . etc .

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3) Intelligent heroes. Slow, moderate/high damage, low health but lots of mana . High damage skills, very easy to KS with. For maximum effectiveness, ask others to damage the opponent and finish him with a spell or two. After that, proceed to scream, “WHAT A GOAL! GREAT FINISHING!” or “No ah where got KS?!” or “Oops!”

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What I liked about this concept is, (This is my fanstasy world , don’t laugh) it is like real life…

Agility Heroes are just like your athletic friends. They go to gym, keep fit. The typical fast runners. Oh yea they are good looking too. But they are NOT super geniuses. They are physical problem solvers, they can do technical stuff, electronics, fixing cars.. But their long term thinking isn’t that great..

Strength Heroes. Those giant big size body builders. They are FREAKING STRONG. But they are slow. They are not that smart either. They don’t really put themselves into other people’s shoes.

Intelligent Heroes. Like those Nerds in high school. They are great thinkers, solve root problems. Think for the long term, waiting for opportunities. But They suck at sports, they are not big sized, and they don’t know how to do alot of things. Just think and talk.

*Of course , what I mentioned are kinda EXTREME. Most of us have a mixture, such as a little bit of Intel and a little bit of Agile, or a little bit of intel and a little bit of strength. But there are people who are PURE Strength or PURE INTEL too. Just look around .

(In DOTA , the aforementioned heroes are like Ursa Warrior (Agi hero with High Strength), Orge Magi (Intel hero with High Strength), Windrunner (Intel hero with Speed) , Undying (Strength hero with Higher Intel)

If this guy is smart , he’s Orge Magi .

The interesting thing about DoTA is…

In general:

Early game ( 0-20 minutes). Intelligent heroes own. They are spell casters, everybody’s life is low. This results in some manly screams through the speaker like “Killing Spree” and “Mega Kill”.Gee, come to think of it these quotes can make good lyrics to a heavy metal song.

Mid game (20-40 minutes ). Strength heroes own. Spellcasters’ spells are considered “bo rasa” when a strength hero’s life reaches 1500-1800. Strength heroes have that high based damage and that life are super useful during mid game .

Late game (40 minutes above). Agility heroes own. When agility heroes are done building their character by having SUPER ITEMS, They have high HP, their damage is high and their attack speed is really fast .They become the superheroes just like that Racer X song. ALL HAIL GILBERT! Sorry, I couldn’t control myself.Anyway…..the point is ..

The game of DotA is like a game of life.

Early game (21 years old to 35 years old)

Mid game (35 years old to 60 years old)

End game (60 years old to death)

*I only consider life begins at 21 years old.

At Early game (21 to 35 years old), intelligent people will own. Their skillset helps them to garner success in this early stage. This is where you see young and accomplished entrepreneurs, great minds who MAKE QUICK MONEY AND GET RICH FAST. This is the part where the nerdy guys from high school, starts laughing at those gangster and bullies in high school. Because from 21-35 years old, it is all about HOW MUCH YOU EARNED. But think about this, their skills aren’t only powerful, but they help others too (think slow and stun). Which is why they perform the best when they’re young. When you get to mid and end game, it’s all about helping others. This event in life is also known as “Being slaves in an office” and will most probably start when you reach mid game. And also , Health and Stress isn’t an issue . Because you’re young , and you can TAKE IT .

Mid game (35 to 60 years old). Strength people owns. This is a point of life where most people your age are FINANCIALLY STABLE. You’ve already know what you wanna do in your life and you will probably be doing the same thing till you retire. Therefore, money doesn’t matter as much as last time . Your passion matters more and you are constantly chasing your dream now that money keeps pouring in because nobody dares to touch you anymore except for Death and Debt.

This is a time where, you’ve already climb the corporate ladder, you’re holding a fairly good position PLUS you have a family, your kids are growing teenagers (I mean growing as teenagers, but if your kids are actually GROWING teenagers at this age then…. sucks to be you), you’re in shitloads of debts and you will be facing small health problems, such as too high sugar level or too high cholesterol.

What you need in this age is STRENGTH . Being able to take all the damage and resist all that spells . Your high position in a company , comes with BIG STRESS . Your kids are starting to be rebellious , Your wife is starting to get annoying , and you got to cut down on your sugar intake and your MEAT intake . You need Strength to face this shit and be a good tanker out there . Without strength , prepare to face mid life crisis and burn out . Without strength , you wake up everyday as if you wanna die. When you’re at early game, you don’t really need strength cause everyone starts anew. Sure, intelligent people will fare better than strong ones but hey, you’ll get your chance too if you brave those odds and stick to your farming (in real life they call this, working/slaving/kissing asses). You might be asking, “How about late game then? Can they still tank?” I’m about to tell you the biggest lesson that your DOTA playing friends learnt from..

Late game (60 and above). Agility heroes own. Throughout the game of DoTA, you can buy ITEMS. This is the time where you’ve been working for the past 40 years, and you have your ITEMS. Such as properties, cars etc. A real crystalys isn’t that bad for shoving it up your enemies’ assholes too.

Money is NOT IMPORTANT anymore. Your kids are old they have their jobs. You’ve retired. It is basically stress-free life. But if you’re stressed about your performance on the good ol’ exercising pad (your bed), fret not cause there’s this thing called the Viagra and I heard it works wonders. Bringing the most gravity defying energy to even the most limp organs out there.

What is important now? It’s being fit and looking young. An agile person, (one who eats good food, does his regular exercise ) will be at the top of the world. Ask your parents. When they are old, they don’t say who is richer, who is prettier. They say ..

“Who looks younger?”

“Who looks healthier?” and ocassionally

“Eh you still can or not…. I mean stand… Neh, do it ahh …. AIYAH YOU STILL CAN FUCK OR NOT?!”

Agile heroes are the ones who will look younger and healthier . Along with their items ( Houses and Cars) . Its a beautiful life. When you’re healthy, everything is now worth it. What is money without a good physical being to spend all that hard earned cash? If you’re not agile enough (useful escaping skills) you’re gonna die halfway. And who gets to spend that rolled up cash? One thing for sure is that the person IS NOT YOU! In relation to DOTA, it means that when you die you just lose some gold. Where to? I don’t know, but it’s strange that everytime I die my money disappears to nowhere. I hope it went to Azeroth’s Charity Bank though…

Strong people get weak eventually when they age. Big brains will still rot and become slow when you’re old. We all know that Alzheimer’s a bitch but there’s nothing you can do about it, yet. But if you stayed healthy all the way and just keep farming slowly, you’ll turn out to be the winner. Travel the world with the ones you care for, show them how beautiful this world is… or was (You can always visit the museums).

So, which type of person are you?

If you’re intelligent, appreciate your 21-35 years old because this is when you own, but also prepare for your storms after 35. Because you may not have enough strength to face the stress, as well as keeping up in terms of fitness.. If you use too much of your brain to slack off, it’s still okay. You can always use that big brain of yours to make other people into being your slave. Beg, steal or borrow but karma’s a bitch and he will catch up with you. Be nice and there won’t be any problems that require enormous strength to overcome. 

Of course , the best situation for you is you make all the money you can while you’re young , and retire early. Stop trying to be Agile by going to gyms and cry when you cannot lift that 100kg weight , because , you will never be like them . Learn to love and appreciate yourself , search for your passion and seek happiness.

If you’re strong. It is going to be tough in the early game. You might not have the skills to farm faster and you’ll only be able to help people succeed. Just do what you can do right now. Because you know , when shit comes, you CAN BE TOUGHER than other people. You can preserve and resist the challenge. You see all those people who commit suicide when share value falls? You’re definitely not one of them. These people fell cause they haven’t got the strength. When you have strength, you can climb up and replace these weaklings. (Free points from slowhands if you decide to laugh at them after you do the climbing)

Stop trying to chase after quick-money making or letting your greed takes control of you . Because no matter how many smart ass comments you try to cook up with , you’re still the same in the eyes of an intelligent person . Remember this quote , “Wise men speak because they have something to say , fools speak because they have to say something”

If you’re Agile , you already win by default .Because in the end , you’re the ones that are going to live longer than the strong and intelligent people , and that is all that matters right ? Health . Without health you cannot do shit , you cannot even FEEL HAPPINESS. Just keep yourselves fit, do not be fooled by quick and easy money a.k.a. trying to be smart (I find that people who are agile are always trying to be intelligent ). Remember those noobs who are always tower rushing an intelligent hero and get killed in the end? You’ll be outsmarted so play it cool and be patient…you will be fine because in the end, what matters most is your love ones and your health.

Agile people who smokes , eat alot of PORK , sleep late , take lots of preservatives , and screw up their health. Well, in the late game , you’re like an agility hero without any items, feeding with lots of death and 0 kills in the end game. Don’t smoke, people. Or you’ll end up getting bombarded by hurtful remarks such as “Chey my mama plays better than you la” and “THIS SOHAI NOOB LO” <– As popularized by a certain Samuel Law.

I just realized this post is super crazy long .

If you read the whole thing , without stopping and saying “ahh its too long” or “ahhh..i give up”

I salute you . You got some good strength hero characteristics . PERSEVERANCE . LOL .