Gapnap’s Quick Guide To Showing Off

Ahh..finally a useful post for my fellow guitarist .

Why is this post useful ?

In life , You are gonna meet shitloads of people who will go ..

“eh bro , play something for me ..i wanna see you SHRED ! ” – guitarist

“hey , can you play that all american rejects song? ” -  Hot Chick

“I heard you are taking lessons from Mr.XXXX , what have you learned so far ? come show abit” – Parent’s friend .

The trick is , when people offer you a spot to show off , by all means . DO IT . Do not reject it ! ( only under a few circumstances)

Imagine , asking a friend to show off and he said Nah nah nah , i am scared , i don’t wanna do it . freaking lame right ? This feller control action or what ?

So , you need to be prepared when shit is throwing at you. You need to know the right time to show off and what to play for different people .

First you gotta understand your audience . The audience are  guys , chicks , parents , ugly chicks and your guitar teacher . I will start with guys .

Guys are divided into two category , the PLAYERS and the NOOBS.

.

NOOBS – DO IT .

.

Yes . SHOW EVERYTHING . When i mean show everything . ITS EVERYTHING . Including your dick if you got a hot student .

Start from some a Blues riff , to a Metal riff .
To a Short guitar solo with bends and slide
To Alternate picking and Legato
To Sweep picking
To Tapping (use this for the last , this will often WOW them)

Examples of NOOBS : your new teenager student , your friend who don’t know shit about guitar but he wants to learn .

Oh yea , if that noobs knows Steve Vai, Satriani and you know their covers . Show them . They will remember you as their guitar hero for life .

.

THE PLAYERS – DON’T DO IT.

.

Remember

Sun Tzu – Keep your friends close , but your enemy closer

This players are probably your long term opponent . Some are better , some are not . The bottom line is , you want to outshred them . Now Don’t deny this , and be honest to yourself .

If Chicks can say  “If there aren’t any women left on this planet , shopping and getting the best man wouldn’t be fun anymore”

We guitarist can say“If there aren’t any guitarist left on this planet , shredding and being the best guitarist wouldn’t be fun anymore”

Sounds stupid . But it is true . And you know it .

So. DON’T PLAY. DO NOT REVEAL ANYTHING .They get your ideas , you are screwed . You inspired them , they get better . Harder for you to catch up .

You see ah , think about your so called “opponents” . no matter how well you play . They will always keep quiet and act unimpressed (ego) . So what is the point of showing off when they already made up their mind  ?

Wait for the right timing instead . Do not show off in terms of skill because everyone is skillful . Show off in the form of , the chick that you got because of guitar playing , or the big paycheck you get from your last gig .
Yeah , that way of showing off will make them TERASA GILA BABI .

Also , they will like you more.

You don’t show off = you are humble = they like you .

.

CHICKS – DO IT

.

YES . YES . YES . But wait ..

1) No solos
2) No metal

and finally …NO SHRED . THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT !! NO SHRED .. OKAY!!??!!

What to show off?
1) Plucking – Alicia Keys – If i ain’t got you , Kau Ilhamku , Eric Clapton Tears in Heaven , Any Classical Korean Drama Theme .
2) Jazz Standards & Swing – Fly me to the moon , Autumn leaves , I did it my way , L.O.V.E ..basically anything that uses Maj7 and min7 heavily .
3) Sing & Strum . Anything by Jason Mraz , Chris Daughtry , 90s Boy Bands Westlife BSB or 911 , Elvis (My fav.) , BON JOVI , AEROSMITH , Guns and Roses are all Good .

*Note , do not stick to a song for more than 1 minute . Cause it will get boring . Just do a verse and a Chorus . Trust me , it is more than enough .

When chicks goes  ..“OMG U ARE AWESOME ! teach me teach me ! GUITAR ! “ You know you have impress her .
Once the guitar lesson with your target chick is started , you should already know the “Your Chord is Always Wrong , let me correct you by touching your hands” method. Proceed with your Seduction .

.

Parents & Relatives – DO IT

.

Sorry , You HAVE TO DO IT . You have choice . Cause if you don’t do it and you say NO , you lose face , your parents lose face , people also think you wierd wierd ..say thank you to our Asian Culture .

From my experience , the best thing to show off is CLASSICAL MUSIC

especially , FUR ELISE . Cause it is super easy to play , but it sounds super hard to play . LOL .
FUR ELISE is the best con job song you can play for a non musician to hear.

New ideas : You can do Humorous songs to satisfy the adults too . Go hear some 80s and 90s Hokkien Song , alot of funny funny ones . Sing and play . They will have a good laugh and you all can have a good time .

And who knows , next time this parents want to sent their kids for lesson , they come to you. More $$$ for you . Or maybe they have some corporate shows and they need a performer and THEY WANT YOU! …ha! more opportunities ..! …

.

YOUR GUITAR TEACHER – Up to you .

.

If you secretly want to pawn your guitar teacher one day , do not show everything.

…read “players” on top

If you do not wish to pawn him and you want to learn , then i think you better show everything .

.

UGLY CHICKS – Up to you .

If you’re desperate , Yes . If she is rich or she is organizing a big budget event . Yes .

If she has a hot chick friend , then by all means , YES . Word of mouth is a great marketing tool .

If none of the above , then no . It is not fun to get phone calls in the middle of the night and your ugly chick tells you that she misses you . trust me .




random thoughts :

Ok , watching porn is not CHEATING on your gf or wife . We agreed on that a long time ago.

What about those Live Webcam Stripping program and you wank on em’ . Is that cheating ?

19 comments

  1. Dead Eye · November 12, 2009

    mou, i always ask u show me some stuff. u always said ‘nola dowan la……’

  2. ariffdude · November 12, 2009

    That part about don’t shred in front of hot chicks, that’s very true. Whenever i play shred in front of them, they seem unimpressed but when my friend who like baru blaja main start playing some simple jiwang karat songs, they go crazy about him.

  3. slowhands · November 12, 2009

    easily the best post of the month! agreed with all the points above. funny funny also

    deadeye: means he considers you as a pro shredder who’s in the same league with him liao ma

  4. HERO · November 12, 2009

    It is not fun to get phone calls in the middle of the night and your ugly chick tells you that she misses you . trust me .

    hahaha . so many chicks chase you ah ?

  5. vincent · November 12, 2009

    this is one good post. the target market is very important when it comes to showing off skills. i’ll always remember this from now on. its just so damn true.

    everything that is virtual is not cheating. when it comes to porn.

  6. yong · November 12, 2009

    gap! what about a big crowd ? what do you show ?

  7. cammo · November 12, 2009

    If a hot chick ask me to play something on a guitar, i would play Mr Ronan Keating – when u say nothing at all. Yea that 1 if cannot osso then i dunno la. Go mandi bunga or do facial reconstruction surgery.

    Live Webcam Stripping program and you wank on em’ . Is that cheating ?

    Its just you spending some quality “me” time.

  8. joshuachinyohan · November 12, 2009

    “Your Chord is Always Wrong , let me correct you by touching your hands”

    damn thats how you do it….

  9. echobrainproject · November 12, 2009

    hahahahaha! this post damn hilarious wei! is this for real?

  10. gapnap · November 12, 2009

    @deadeye . yes , see slowhands comment . i consider you pro . so i takut u curi knowledge …muahaha kedekut ilmu or not :p

    @ariffdude . wtf . cannot play shred in front of chicks wei . chicks will go like ..”err..wat are you doing? wanking? ” ..ahaha

    @slowhands . cibai , this is only the 2nd or 3rd post of the month ..more coming mou ;)

    @HERO . err , nola ..LOL . Alot of girls chase Slowhands ..

  11. gapnap · November 12, 2009

    @Vincent . oh really , then like that you can open msn , have cyber sex with your gf’s best friend . And that is not considered cheating . Right ?

    @yong . Same rules apply . See who are the majority . Takkan you go shred when you are playing for a 500 crowd with 70% Chicks right ? that you play punk ..

    @Cammo . Yeah , how can i forget that song ! When you said nothing at all …about cheating , but there is another chick present in front of you . how ?

    @joshua . yeah , learn it from the master ..hahaha..

    @echobrainproject . yes , you should study it like how to studied your bible !

  12. Alvin Lim · November 12, 2009

    when i saw noob, i tot u talking bout dota. hahaha.

  13. vincent · November 12, 2009

    hmm i never thought of that.

  14. Dead Eye · November 12, 2009

    haha.. same league. i wish i were too :p

  15. yusman · November 12, 2009

    maan I think this is the coolest article I ve ever read on musicians/ guitarist for a many years. Thanks for the tips, humour and some reality dude

  16. yusman · November 12, 2009

    hey a friend told me about ur store and tonight, I accidentally bumped into this joker blog. double cool.

  17. gapnap · November 12, 2009

    @yusman . Thank you LOL . do visit here more often . Why don’t you drop by my store then we can lepak / yamcha ?

  18. Lake · November 12, 2009

    you articles are cock. arrogant shit. pure guitarist don’t talk cock like you. i presume you have issues. you can’t hold a grudge over something that does not exist.

    come on man, get a life!

  19. Daniel · November 12, 2009

    HAHA, i very noob, so want to show skill also noob.. just started 8 months ago, learned major/minor, blues, and pentatonic scale, but sadly dunno how to apply.. HAHAHA…

    ps Lake: haters always hate.. HAHAHAHAAHAHA…. dun go trolling here.. wakakkaka

    Gapnap: teach me…:D

    Deadeye: We will make business soon, I am stalking ur post.. hahaha