Ahh..finally a useful post for my fellow guitarist .
Why is this post useful ?
In life , You are gonna meet shitloads of people who will go ..
“eh bro , play something for me ..i wanna see you SHRED ! ” – guitarist
“hey , can you play that all american rejects song? ” - Hot Chick
“I heard you are taking lessons from Mr.XXXX , what have you learned so far ? come show abit” – Parent’s friend .
The trick is , when people offer you a spot to show off , by all means . DO IT . Do not reject it ! ( only under a few circumstances)
Imagine , asking a friend to show off and he said Nah nah nah , i am scared , i don’t wanna do it . freaking lame right ? This feller control action or what ?
So , you need to be prepared when shit is throwing at you. You need to know the right time to show off and what to play for different people .
First you gotta understand your audience . The audience are guys , chicks , parents , ugly chicks and your guitar teacher . I will start with guys .
Guys are divided into two category , the PLAYERS and the NOOBS.
NOOBS – DO IT .
Yes . SHOW EVERYTHING . When i mean show everything . ITS EVERYTHING . Including your dick if you got a hot student .
Start from some a Blues riff , to a Metal riff .
To a Short guitar solo with bends and slide
To Alternate picking and Legato
To Sweep picking
To Tapping (use this for the last , this will often WOW them)
Examples of NOOBS : your new teenager student , your friend who don’t know shit about guitar but he wants to learn .
Oh yea , if that noobs knows Steve Vai, Satriani and you know their covers . Show them . They will remember you as their guitar hero for life .
THE PLAYERS – DON’T DO IT.
Sun Tzu – Keep your friends close , but your enemy closer
This players are probably your long term opponent . Some are better , some are not . The bottom line is , you want to outshred them . Now Don’t deny this , and be honest to yourself .
If Chicks can say “If there aren’t any women left on this planet , shopping and getting the best man wouldn’t be fun anymore”
We guitarist can say“If there aren’t any guitarist left on this planet , shredding and being the best guitarist wouldn’t be fun anymore”
Sounds stupid . But it is true . And you know it .
So. DON’T PLAY. DO NOT REVEAL ANYTHING .They get your ideas , you are screwed . You inspired them , they get better . Harder for you to catch up .
You see ah , think about your so called “opponents” . no matter how well you play . They will always keep quiet and act unimpressed (ego) . So what is the point of showing off when they already made up their mind ?
Wait for the right timing instead . Do not show off in terms of skill because everyone is skillful . Show off in the form of , the chick that you got because of guitar playing , or the big paycheck you get from your last gig .
Yeah , that way of showing off will make them TERASA GILA BABI .
Also , they will like you more.
You don’t show off = you are humble = they like you .
CHICKS – DO IT
YES . YES . YES . But wait ..
1) No solos
2) No metal
and finally …NO SHRED . THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT !! NO SHRED .. OKAY!!??!!
What to show off?
1) Plucking – Alicia Keys – If i ain’t got you , Kau Ilhamku , Eric Clapton Tears in Heaven , Any Classical Korean Drama Theme .
2) Jazz Standards & Swing – Fly me to the moon , Autumn leaves , I did it my way , L.O.V.E ..basically anything that uses Maj7 and min7 heavily .
3) Sing & Strum . Anything by Jason Mraz , Chris Daughtry , 90s Boy Bands Westlife BSB or 911 , Elvis (My fav.) , BON JOVI , AEROSMITH , Guns and Roses are all Good .
*Note , do not stick to a song for more than 1 minute . Cause it will get boring . Just do a verse and a Chorus . Trust me , it is more than enough .
When chicks goes ..“OMG U ARE AWESOME ! teach me teach me ! GUITAR ! “ You know you have impress her .
Once the guitar lesson with your target chick is started , you should already know the “Your Chord is Always Wrong , let me correct you by touching your hands” method. Proceed with your Seduction .
Parents & Relatives – DO IT
Sorry , You HAVE TO DO IT . You have choice . Cause if you don’t do it and you say NO , you lose face , your parents lose face , people also think you wierd wierd ..say thank you to our Asian Culture .
From my experience , the best thing to show off is CLASSICAL MUSIC …
especially , FUR ELISE . Cause it is super easy to play , but it sounds super hard to play . LOL .
FUR ELISE is the best con job song you can play for a non musician to hear.
New ideas : You can do Humorous songs to satisfy the adults too . Go hear some 80s and 90s Hokkien Song , alot of funny funny ones . Sing and play . They will have a good laugh and you all can have a good time .
And who knows , next time this parents want to sent their kids for lesson , they come to you. More $$$ for you . Or maybe they have some corporate shows and they need a performer and THEY WANT YOU! …ha! more opportunities ..! …
YOUR GUITAR TEACHER – Up to you .
If you secretly want to pawn your guitar teacher one day , do not show everything.
…read “players” on top
If you do not wish to pawn him and you want to learn , then i think you better show everything .
UGLY CHICKS – Up to you .
If you’re desperate , Yes . If she is rich or she is organizing a big budget event . Yes .
If she has a hot chick friend , then by all means , YES . Word of mouth is a great marketing tool .
If none of the above , then no . It is not fun to get phone calls in the middle of the night and your ugly chick tells you that she misses you . trust me .
random thoughts :
Ok , watching porn is not CHEATING on your gf or wife . We agreed on that a long time ago.
What about those Live Webcam Stripping program and you wank on em’ . Is that cheating ?